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Manj Bahra

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The lessons I wish somebody had told me years ago

So, you want to work for yourself? Fed up of seeking approval for holiday, listening to your bosses crap and doing work you have no passion for? I don’t blame you. But that doesn’t make it any easier. See, there’s a small issue of paying the bills, saving money, and living a life that gets in the way for most of us.

And so you wait. You stay where you are, patiently collecting a pay-cheque, repeating your mundane routines, and wondering when life will happen for you. All the while, the tension begins to build quietly. …

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Sometimes all we need is common sense and a brutal reminder

We all like to believe that our crush secretly wants us. Despite what all the evidence says, we generally choose to put our faith in the outcome we want rather than the one that is most probable.

Who can blame us?

When we are deeply attracted to someone, our body is frequently flooded with Dopamine and thus exposed to euphoric highs similar to that of a hard drug. In many ways, falling for another person is an addiction. As I’ve written about before, the thrill of the chase is amongst the most intoxicating experiences out there. …

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Whether it’s a toxic relationship or unrequited love, here’s a proven method for taking action.

All of us face unrequited love at some point. It doesn’t matter whether it’s in a relationship or a one-sided crush; the result is the same — the other person does not feel the same way or treat us how we want to be treated.

If you scour the web, you’ll find 1000s of articles spouting the same advice. They tell you to know your worth and walk away from all that is causing you heartache. The only problem is none of these posts goes into detail about how to do that. …

A few weeks ago, a reader reached out to me with a powerful question:

“How can I tell if I’m in love or just simply addicted to the chase?”

The truth is, it’s hard.

Many of us correlate the strength of our feelings with the range and depth of emotions a person puts us through. We rationalize the reason we’re so fixated on the situation and experience such powerful sensations is a result of our deep affection, and sometimes love.

But what if that’s not the case?

What if the ingredients of the chase (uncertainty, highs, lows, anticipation) are enough…

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If you’ve been stuck trying to get over someone, check you can do this first

If you follow my writing on Medium, you’ll know I am extremely passionate about helping people move on and reach their potential. Part of why I dedicate so much of my energy to this is that we all go through the pain of rejection at some point. Moreover, it’s just plain hard to let go of someone we have feelings for. Sometimes the biggest blockers are dealing with the psychological forces at play, including mixed signals, dopamine highs, lack of closure, and in some cases, obsession (limerence). While all of that is real, we have to take action ourselves to…

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A four-step process to turn from friend to lover

It’s the words none of us wants to hear, and yet all of us have had to endure.

“Let’s be friends”.

Just reading that now gives me shivers. Not only does it take me back to past experiences I’d rather forget, it reminds me of all the times I had to support others who had their own moments of heartache.

Our intentions are positive. We are attracted to another person, care for them, and have had the courage to let them know. Unfortunately, they don’t feel the same, and as an act of pity, they extend an offer of “friendship”.

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A look at three psychological effects that make this age-old tactic so effective — even when you aren’t that interested

You meet someone, and there’s an instant connection. Within minutes of talking, you see how much you have in common. Neither of you can ignore the obvious chemistry nor escape the feeling that this might be something different. Numbers are exchanged, and you leave the interaction excited about what the future holds. The initial few weeks are blissful as you stay in contact, share funny memes, craft out flirty texts, and get to know each other better.

But after the initial honeymoon phase, things begin to change. Perhaps the conversations become shorter or the replies a little less frequent. Maybe…

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Self-defeating behaviours secretly undermine your worth and prevent you from the love you deserve

Have you ever had a crush who you treated a little bit differently from everyone else? When I say “a little bit”, you know exactly what I mean. I’m talking about a person who you put on a pedestal — a person who you thought could do no wrong and became the subject of your immense infatuation.

What happened when you did this? Was your preferential treatment the trigger that made them lust for you, or could they care less for your admiration? Did every gesture win them over or leave you more hurt and rejected?

Sometimes, our intentions get…

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Do you want to win the game more than you want to be with the person?

You meet someone, and there’s an instant connection. From the moment you lock eyes, you can sense this is going to be different. As you begin to talk, you discover the incredible amount of things you share in common. The conversation flows easily, numbers are exchanged, and you arrange to meet again. When you ask friends for their thoughts, they comment on the natural chemistry and undeniably flirtatious behaviour between you both. Before your next meeting, the butterflies start swimming in your stomach — a mixture of excitement and nervousness. It’s another great interaction, and things are looking promising.


Manj Bahra

Coach | Obsessed with helping people reach their potential | Londoner | More about me and free stuff here: |

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