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The Psychological Reason You Struggle To Let Go — The Zeigarnik Effect

The cognitive bias that prevents you from accepting romantic rejection

Manj Bahra
10 min readJan 12, 2020

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Your friends tell you to walk away. You know this situation is going nowhere. You confessed your feelings, and in return, you were rewarded with the dreaded friend-zone speech or a stern declaration that they have moved on. It’s not you — it’s them. They don’t see you in that way, and they probably never will.

But no matter how much you or anyone else says to move on, you struggle. While letting go of lost opportunities is the logical move, our emotions often get the better of us. We become stuck obsessing over the mistakes we made, moments we wish we could change, and clinging to hope that the other person might suddenly come back to us.

There are many reasons why we struggle to let go of unrequited love. We may have an unconscious secondary gain that needs to be fulfilled. The other person could be emitting mixed signals that give us hope. In other cases, we might lack passions and hobbies to keep us focused on life matters other than our relationships.

While all the above is relevant, I want to introduce a lesser-known psychological concept that could be making it difficult for you to move on — The Zeigarnik Effect. This quirky…

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Manj Bahra
Manj Bahra

Written by Manj Bahra

Dating Coach | Helping exhausted daters break the cycle and find their person | Join my FREE community for more: www.skool.com/modern-dating-wisdom-7204

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